


Behind The Mask

by BJWinchester



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Depression, F/M, Friendship, Love, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-20
Updated: 2017-11-20
Packaged: 2019-02-04 15:27:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12773925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BJWinchester/pseuds/BJWinchester
Summary: From the outside looking in it looks like you have it all together. A great Job as a photographer for a top notch Celeb Magazine, An Awesome actor Boyfriend Jensen Ackles, Great Friends. Yeah it all looks great. But as they say looks can be deceiving. Under your happy go lucky facade is a broken heart. When your world comes spiraling out of control can Jensen and the others help you put the pieces back together, is there no hope for the tired.





	Behind The Mask

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ElviraSilver](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElviraSilver/gifts).



> Triggers with suicide.... But happy ending promise- I wrote one other like this and got a request to do one with other SPN Characters. This is for ElviraSilver.

You step onto the set of Supernatural. It was like DeJa Vu all over again. This is how you first met your boyfriend of 2 years Jensen Ackles- You had gotten an assignment with Celeb Mag taking pictures of the cast, and from that moment on you and Jensen were inseparable. The last two years had been a whirl wind, and you had come to know the rest of the cast as family as well. 

"There she is... The most amazing photographer ever!" you were checking your equipment when you heard Jensen's voice. You looked up and smiled as he swept you into a hug. 

"God I missed you." he said. 

"Jense, you just saw me This morning." you said rolling your eyes. 

"I know, But I can't get enough of you." he said with a wink.. 

"Hey y/n" Jared said as he stepped up holding a to go cup of coffee.

"Hey Jare, how's it going?" you asked

"Great Now that you are her." he said You looked at him confused. 

"Yeah, now Jensen can stop asking us if it's time every 5 min." Misha said. 

"What ever" Jensen embarrssed said you laughed , "ok so I thought we'd start with some shots by the Impala if that's ok." you say. 

"All of us?" Rob asked. 

"You bet." you say smiling at him. 

"Hey Rob how's it going?" you ask. 

"Super." he says. 

"Good, Ok Guys let's do this." you say. Trying to fight the headache that had appeared out of know where

"Where do you want us?" Rob asked. 

"You know what, just go do you're thing and we'll play it by ear." you said. You got a lot of shots of Jensen and Jared leaning against baby. One great shot of all four where Jared and Misha were leaning out the passenger side windows Jensen leaned up against the car his arms crossed and Rob standing beside him. Afew single shots of each one and then a couple of Misha and Rob standing back to back. By time you were done you were pretty sure that each shot would get you that promotion you had been hoping for. 

"thanks guys these were great." you said as you started to pack up your things. 

"Do you have to leave?" Jensen asked wrapping you in your arms. 

"If I want to keep my job I do." you tease. He leans in and kisses you softly. 

"Gross." Misha said

"Yeah get a room." Jared egged on

"Wow you never kissed me like that." Rob teased. 

"That's because you don't look like that." Jensen says. You laugh slightly embarrassed. 

"Dinner tonight?" Jensen asked 

"Defs." you say. He gives you a wink before heading off. You were half way to your car when you realized you forgot a lens, cursing you trotted back to get it, only to see Jensen talking to a tall Busty blonde. At first you didn't think anything of it, but when you located your lens and turned around they were standing there in a kiss. You're heart stopped for a second and then was replaced with rapid race. You turned and ran toward your car, slamming into Rob as you did. 

"Hey... You ok?" he asked. 

"Sorry I forgot my lens." you say holding back your emotions.

"Um Rob Who's that girl?" You ask turning back to face them. Rob glanced that way to see Jensen and her talking. 

"Her name is Lilly. She's an intern." he says

"Oh she doesn't act?" you ask hoping you had walked in on some kind of rehearsal

"No, PA." he tells you. " You sure you're ok? You look pale." he says. 

"I'm fine, thanks." you say hurrying to your car. 

"It can't be." you say once inside your car. Tears starting to fall. Automatic like you started the car and headed back to the office, your heart was beating a hundred miles an hr as you parked and headed into the office. 

"Y/n.. How'd it go?" you friend Sara asked. 

"good I guess." you say. 

"What's the matter?" she wanted to know. With out hesitation you let it all out, about how you thought that Jensen had been acting off lately, not quite his self. And then what you had seen at the photo shoot. She looked at you with a raised eye. You had expected somekind of words of comfort but that was no where near what came out of her mouth. 

"What do you expect y/n? He's an actor. I mean did you really think someone like you could hold onto him forever?" She asked You looked at her shocked. 

"Don't get me wrong, you're nice and all, but you're not exactly what they call eye candy. I told you to get those implants. That's what all guys want." she says. 

"Thanks sara." you say sarcastically. 

"Don't get mad at me cause you can't keep a guy. I was just trying to help." she snarls as she moves on. Your anxiety is now through the roof. Could it be? Could everything you thought you had be a lie? These thoughts ran through your head. You saw Sara talking to Max and paranoia began to set in, was she talking about you? Probably, and they were probably laughing at how stupid you were. You sat at your desk and popped your SD card into your comp sending every pic to Your editor, you didn't even want to pic the best ones, you couldn't stand to look at the pics again They could figure all that out. You did your best to busy yourself but every where you went you swore someone was talking about you. You looked in the mirror at the bath room. Sara was right, you were plain, nothing about you stood out. Hell you thought you were almost ugly. The bath room door opened and Carla walked in. 

"There you are, Mr Cooper wants to see you." She said. 

"Ok." you say and walk to your editors office head down the whole way. You knocked on the door. 

"you wanted to see me?" you said. 

"Yes y/n. Have a seat we need to talk." he said nervously you sat accross from him

"y/n there's no way to say this, but were gonna have to let you go." 

"What?" you asked tears welding up "Was something wrong with the pictures?"

"No they were great, and you will def get credit for them, but we have to down size, and unfortunately You were the last photographer we hired, last hired first fired." he said. Anger flew through you

"What the hell?" you asked

"Look I know, I wish we didn't have to but, I can gurantee we will give you an amazing recomondation for any job you have, and you're gonna find something you will. You're very talented." He said. 

"I worked my ass off here." you said.

"I know, we just have no other way around it." He says. "I'm sorry." he tells you. You sit there a second then get up, you grabbed your purse from your desk and hurried out. Not even bothering to collect the rest of your things. By time you reached home you couldn't stop crying, you hadn't felt this bad since you were little. Your dad's words ringing in your ear. 

" You're not gonna be good enough for anything. Shit I'll probably have to pay someone to marry you." You shut the door and dropped your purse, slowly you walked up stairs and headed to the bath room. You looked in the mirror and starred at your tear stained face. 

"I'm such a loser, always have been. No matter what I do it will never be good enough for anyone." you tell yourself. "I can't do this anymore, I can't." you say as you reach up and take the bottle of sleep aide. You walked back and sat on the bed. You're phone in one hand the bottle in the other. 

You starred at the phone. You had to tell them why, you had to otherwise it wouldn't be fair. Slowly you flipped through the names 

"Jared. I need you to do me a favor." you texted

"Sure what's up?" 

"Tell Jensen i'm sorry" 

"Sorry for what?"

"I lost my Job today."

"What? OMG y/n I'm sorry. " 

"I just want him to know I understand that... That I don't blame him for wanting someone other than someone like me. It's ok, And I forgive him. This has nothing to do with him. It's so much more. I tried to fight through it, I tried to pretend that it was all ok, everything was going to be ok. But it hurts to bad, I don't have anything left."

"Wait what?" 

"Jared make him know that this wasn't his fault ok. Tell him that I was just tired, tired of fighting this whole thing called my life." Suddenly your phone rang and Jensen's name popped up, you hit ignore. 

"Also I want to thank you, and Misha for excepting me as part of your group. You guys mean so much to me." 

"Y/n where are you?" 

"I came home."

The phone rang again Jensen

"I love him Jared, I love him so much. It hurts... I thought he knew that, but... Maybe I didn't show him enough, or maybe I saw something that wasn't there." 

"Y/n he loves you. You have to know that. You're his world." 

"He deserves better." 

"He loves you. This is just a small bump in your road." 

Ring-Jensen

"I'm just tired Jared, I can't. I'm sorry." You laid the phone down as you popped the lid off the bottle you poured the blue and white pills into your hand and began to down them, along with the bottle of water on your night stand. 

Ring Jensen  
Ping Jared  
Ring Misha  
Ping Misha  
Jared  
Jensen  
Misha

Jensen PO

I was standing next to Jared when the first text came in. I didn't think much of it he was always on his phone But then he looked at me with wide conserned eyes. 

"What?" I asked

"It's y/n" He showed me the text and my heart lurched. "No she wouldnt" I thought. I dialed her phone but it went to voice mail

"Keep her talking." I said as I tried again

"She wouldn't would she?" Misha asked I wanted to tell him know, but I knew about her past, it wouldn't have been the first time she had tried, she told me about when she was 12 and she tried because her freaking father was always telling her how worthless she was. Making her feel like every bad thing that happened was her fault. Panic rose each time the phone went to voice mail. 

"I have to get there." I said as I fished my keys out of my pocket and raced to the car. Jared and Misha right behind me. We all piled into my SUV 

"Jared what she saying?" I asked as I sped out of the parking lot. 

"She stopped talking." He said worried Misha grabbed his phone and dialed I looked at him hopeful but he shook his head. A five min drive seemed like an hr, I was out of the Car almost before it had stopped. I rn in the door and almost tripped over her purse. 

"Y/N?!" I yelled. When she didn't answer I took the stairs two at a time. I burst into the bedroom to find her laying on the bed an empty bottle on the floor. 

"OMG Y/N!!" I yelled I tried shaking her awake but she was motionless. Scared I felt for a pulse, a small sense of relief came over me but very small. Misha was on the phone with 911. 

"Is she breathing?" He asked I nodded. For a second your eyes fluttered open. But then closed

"She opened her eyes." Misha was telling the operater

"Y/n?" Jared said next to her. 

"Honey open your eyes again." I begged. 

"Can you make her throw up?" Misha asked. I looked at him stunned a moment. Then stuck my finger down her throat. 

You wake un sure where you were. It took a moment for you to realize tht you were in a hospital. You look over and see Jensen sleeping uncomfortably in a chair next to you. 

"Jensen?" you say softly When he doesn't move you reach over and nudge him, careful not to pull off any tubes or cords.

"Jense." you say a little louder. His eyes flew open. He looked at you unsure a moment then was up hovering over you. 

"Thank God you are awake." Jensen said hugging you. His tears began to fall. 

"Howd I get here?" 

"We found you, thank God it wasn't to late. Why?" he asked tears falling harder. It hurt you to see him and guilt flooded you. 

"I'm sorry, Just I lost my job, and I lost you..." you said crying

'What? What are you talking about?" he asked confused. 

"I saw you, with that girl. You were kissing." you said He looked at you shocked. 

"You saw?" he asked you nodded

"Y/n I'm not going to lie. She did come on to me, but I pushed her off. I told her I was taken, by the most amazingly beutiful girl ever." he said his green eyes piercing you, 

"I'm sorry. I... I just." you said turning away. He gently turned your head to face his again. 

"I love you y/n, I love you so much, and If I had lost you I would have been lost myself. You are so out of my league. I am blessed to have you in my life." he tells you. 

"No I'm a mess." you say. 

"So, I love messes. You're gonna get a new job, a freaking better job and they are gonna be sorry they let you go. Till then, I'll take care of my future bride." he says with a small smile. 

"What?" you ask

"Yeah, that is if you'll marry me. I was gonna aske tonight at supper, but hell this is good enough as long as you say yes." he tells you. 

"Yes, I would be honored to marry you" you say. He bends down and kisses you, as he does the door to your room opens. 

"Told you he loved you." Jared said. You looked up and smiled. at him and Misha. 

"Do us a favor y/n, next time you feel that low, come find us, no matter what time or where we are please. You scared the hell out of us." Misha said

"I promise." you say. Looking back at Jensen. He smiles and kisses you again this time with a little more passion

"Let's go get coffee." Jared said

"But we just got one." Misha said as he pushed him out the door. 

"I love you y/n.. Don't ever ever no matter what forget or doubt that." Jensen said after he pulled away. 

"Ditto." you say with a smile


End file.
